'Bustin makes me feel good

Daniel rhymes with spaniel. I dearly wished it rhymed with something else. I have this theory about boys’ names. I believe their most defining characteristics rhyme with their names. Evidence from exes so far; Rob was a bit of knob (Robtheknob), Ross was a tosser (Ross=toss), Matt was definitely a twat, Andy was a paedophile – ok, I haven’t worked that one yet. Its not just my boyfriends who have rhyme-names. My raw friend’s current on-off is Nickthedick. And Pippa’s current new beau is Meke. So far he is a geek and not a freak. Lets hope that lasts.

Anyway, Daniel. He’s a supply teacher at one of the schools I work at. We’re only in at the same time one day a week so opportunities of flirting are slim. Opportunities of flirting in front of children are higher but oh gosh, I’m not that shameless. Not by half. I have been trying to invent reasons just to talk to him but I’ve not been doing so well.

Tuesday lunch time, I get a phone call from one of the senior members of staff. She has decided we’re not doing the sign-song the children have spent two weeks learning at tomorrow’s special opening as the children just aren’t good enough. Lets me just re-iterate this is a special needs school and these kids are never gonna do a High School Musical. Sitting in assembly and taking part is an achievement enough for them, and one which should be recognised. Following the phone call I drop everything at the school I’m actually at and run, literally run, to the other school to sort this mess out. I had to break up a fight amongst teenagers on the way there which left me with little time. I ran like the wind. Arrived all red faced and sweaty and probably dishevelled. I walk into the assembly just in the nick of time for one final rehearsal before tomorrow’s opening. Oh! There’s Daniel. I grin at him. He smiles back. He has actually noticed I exist. The whole of the school is sat in a big circle with a hole in the middle. I’m shoved into the hole and have to sign to everyone. We do the song several times, so I start at 12 o’clock and work my way round each time we do a verse. I get to Daniel. He’s sat with five children. I’m so obviously only signing to Daniel and singing with my cat screetch voice. He smiles at me, with what I take for genuine happiness. Later on, I wash my hands in the toilet. In the mirror I notice there is still salad in my teeth. All that time I thought he was smiling at me he was probably just laughing.

I spend my evening with Pippa in a Ghostbusters remake. I have my heart set on playing Janine, the squeaky voiced secretary. I have to audition for the post so give it my finest high pitched Noo York drone. I get the part, hurrah! Its gets to my scene… huh?! Someone else is on the stage in my role. She’s not even as good as me  So much for Bustin makes me feel good. Bustin makes me feel a bit rejected.

Wednesday. It’s the day of the opening. We have a special celebrity guest coming to cut the proverbial ribbon – it’s a family friendly tv comedian. The comedian isn’t given a microphone. Noone can hear what he says. The children wouldn’t understand it anyway. They don’t understand why they’re out in the rain for an hour with all these strange people. The whole thing is a total farce. The police are here too. With horses. I take some of the bored children to stroke the horses and have a bit more fun.

At some point during the morning I’m standing next to Daniel when one of the managers is asking about training needs. Oh yes! I’m offering training in symbol communication. Why doesn’t Daniel come? “well, I’m only supply,” he starts. “not sure the school would pay for me.”
“But its free! It’s the course I run. You would have to do it with me though I’m afraid”
He smiles. I swoon, ever so slightly. I hope noone noticed.
“Zilpha is doing a session next Friday, why don’t you go?” says the manager
“Well, I am but if you’re not in I have time on any Wednesday afternoon. I’m very flexible. Whenever you like really” please, please make an individual appointment. I want you all to myself. Oh wait. Did I say that aloud? No. phew.
“Friday will be fine,” he says.
There is some happiness in my heart.

After lunch its time for the signed song. The other speech therapists are out on a training course. The literacy teacher is out on a course. All the proficient signers are out. Its just me and the useless managers to get this together. The rain is still splattering. The comedian has gone. Most of the parents have gone. The councillors have gone. A few laggers hang about. The head introduces the song. Badly, of course. I’m suddenly on centre stage. That wasn’t supposed to happen. The children were supposed to be at the centre of this. This is possibly the most humiliating five minutes of my life. Nothing has gone to plan and I end up signing in front of the whole school and guests. Noone joins in. Not one person. Not even Daniel.

I spend the rest of the afternoon hiding in my office trying to get some peace and quiet. Oh fuck. The tone deaf music teacher starts up next door. He not only has no ability to sing he doesn’t seem to be aware he can’t. *sigh* what do I have to look forward to this evening? Oh noes. Posh Josh’s band are playing in my neighbourhood. No thanks, boys. There’s only so much humiliation and pain I can take in one day.